Unsolved Beastly Tales

AND THEN, When You Think You're Onto Something.  .  .

6 min read

.  .  . It Just Goes Weird!

I remember reading an article on my phone's news feed claiming we have large wild cats roaming around in the UK! A Warwick University PhD has confirmed it's big cat DNA with a test! To be fair, closer inspection showed the article to be a year old, but you can google the story anyway, loads of websites've reported on it!

Aggressive Creatures

No lying, this is a belter of a fact that really sparked my imagination, reviving the memory of The Beast of Gévaudan. I was all, 'Wow! We're gonna have our own countryside beast!' But, I mean, realistically, that French thing ate around 60 to 150 people! It got me thinking about a certain pair of man-eating Lions in 1898, Kenya. They killed around 135 people! I watched a Michael Douglas film about it — The Ghost and the Darkness (1996). Seriously, straight up! They also killed a few armed soldiers sent to hunt them down! Our DNA certified monster must be vegan or prefer mice! 

The Mystery Segways Off

Anyway, the same evening after filling my head with articles and YouTube videos showing out of focus cats, we all settled down to enjoy Netflix. Unsolved Mysteries, the cattle mutilation episode. Before the show found it's mojo I knew it would be a panther, or an escaped tiger! No brainer! I was gonna solve the mystery like I did with the Mothperson (its just an owl!) and the family would watch me nail this like an MI5 inspector on commission rates! Surprisingly, I was stumped. Dead cattle, no trails of any kind surrounding them, no footsteps, tyre marks, predator tracks, nothing! The show detailed the specific removal of organs, heat based cuts, some cattle showed signs of being dropped! The absence of blood was another recurring theme, and the occassional carcass was found miles away! They're really heavy! 

What Do They Know? 

Okay, admittedly, I got carried away, and slightly pulled-in to it. The FBI files here are from the 70s investigations in Albuquerque, Mexico. It perplexed the FBI bloke in the documents. Many years later and we can see our Guardian newspaper has reported on the Texas incidents. It seems to be world wide and not just cows, but other creatures, as well as people. We needn't venture into human mutilation but, for example: the corpse of a Brazilian man was discovered near Guarapiranga Reservoir, São Paulo in 1988; precise cuts, organ removal, no blood. There are loony theories surrounding cattle mutilation. A helicopter flying members of a satanic cult down the local ranch, but again, nothing has been proven! These things are not directly reported in the UK, but we had reports of it in Wales from 2001. 

It is strange how the precise removal of the cattle tongues was a theme in the show. Look at this, you can read the police comments about a dead cow near Charmy Down, Somerset; it's tongue was also strangely removed: it was done with a significant degree of precision. What's even creepier is when you really think about all those people who disappear without a trace. I know it's not recent, but in 2022, 5200 human beings vanished. No trace Gone. 

The Spooky Part is The Unknown

This table is from the UK Missing Persons Unit:

In 2010, Mike Freebury from Walsall, (just up the road from me!), was a member of the Animal Pathology Field Unit (APFU) and he linked attacks to UFOs! We're going into flying saucer, Dorito territory here because when you do get all deductive with this stuff, that's where it leads you! 

I obviously get excited and carried away! All those cliché UFO fridge magnet platitudes raced around my cortex! We are not alone! The Zoo Hypothesis is true! The Reticulans’re hiding from us so they don't bias their project! If, on the other hand, ranchers found a little chocolate egg deliberately left at every mutilation? Do you see where I'm going here? We would have to draw cultural parallels with the Easter Bunny instead. I'll use a shakespeare villain explain. Iago planted Desdemona's handkerchief in Othello to alter the narrative by setting the scene. He staged it! 

Reckoning This Shit Up

Wealthy ranchers can afford to put cameras on their cattle, up on high poles all around their land. They never mentioned doing this! Why not if its a problem?! 

What's more likely?:

A.) Aliens — with a confused concept of what a good carvery really is — literally fly light years for some tongues and testicles?

or

B.) A seventies reporter negotiated a clever arrangement with a beef rancher about a spooky news feature? 

These freaky 'every-now-and-again' media stories keep reporters and journalists ticking over quite nicely. Especially when the politics has run dry, do you know what I mean? The excitable fools like me keep it going! Everyone and his mum has probably seen that 2017 grainy black and white excuse of a UFO recording — yeah the blighter was stupendously fast, 15000 mph I read, but I couldn't tell. I had to take their word for it! 

I considered these nerdy UFO enthusiasts as the archetypal Explorers; tirelessly searching for truth, uncovering mysteries! But now, I realised, we've got the wolves in sheep’s clothing (as if sheep wear clothes!), spreading bollocks. They’re the archetypal False Prophets, or the Manipulators, who feed off people’s beliefs—that's quite comical, evil UFO nerds!

 

Most reliable experts reckoned it moved at 1000 mph — that's do-able! There are also reports of a flying tic tac, which allegedly left fighter pilots flummoxed. Yes, there it is, UFOs're being passed off as real. So, why did someone rename them to UAPs? Masking their covert ops? I wonder if any of the UAPs in those video clips had a stolen hoofed mammal? To what extent would a cow encumber a UAP given its weight? I certainly laboured that 50cc moped with my masculine adiposed bulk. Either way, when we see images like this as cave paintings, it screams ancient aliens was right, doesn't it? 

Abso-sodding-lutely, these beauties are 4 or 5 thousand years old and can be found in Kimberly, Australia. They're Wandjina, powerful rain maker spirits. They do clearly resemble modern aliens. But then again, shouldn't we say instead, our stupid-arse concept of aliens resemble their cave paintings of rain spirits? I don't know! No one fully knows if these cave paintings are cultural symbols, theological ideas or drawings of biological beings who sat pretty for a portrait. They look a bit Mothperson-like, don't they? 

Is It All Just Bollocks? 

Probably. But if the cave paintings are described as ancestral rain spirits or gods of the sky, does it mean they're not aliens? No. Interesting how the little grey ones are associated with experimenting with hybridization, genetically intermixing with us humans, genital and breeding  experiments. Rain is ancient symbology for fertility. In Samuel Noah Kramers discription of Enki, (Modern Iraq area) he demonstrates how this lord of the earth and waters inseminated the soil with his semen (waters) to create life. Observation of nature for ancient humans 

Are all these claims and ideas manipulations? Have we underestimated the reporters reportoire? Netflix even brought a cattle based episode of Unsolved Mysteries! A spooky story makes money and will always foster interest.  

Maybe, the Annunaki are our overlords. Thanks for reading.